Soap-Box Blathering

There are so many crazy ass things happening in the world lately.  As usual, I have no shortage of opinions so this is just preachy soap-box time. I'm by no means an expert in any of these topics so, feel free to tell me I am full of it and also to list your own gripes. Catharsis is good.

At the end of the day, if we look past all of the manufactured nationalistic hoopla, my guess is that regardless of where you live, what your beliefs are, or what language you grew up speaking, we are all remarkably similar in wanting to live peacefully in a warm, dry place surrounded by good food and the people we care about. Simple things are sometimes the hardest.

Gaza
- Is it ever okay to feel anything but absolute horror over the death of ANYONE'S child? Neither side should ever sleep easy knowing that any child is being killed, regardless of what bullshit rationalization you feel like using today, to justify what we all know is inherently wrong.
- Neither side is ever going to make the first step toward ending this insanity are they?
- Genetically, you are basically the same people and you ALL have blood on your hands. Haven't we all had enough?
- Thanks though, for the history lessons, and for hummus. I am pretty sure someone over there invented that. Oh, and also for those awesome potato pancake things.

Iraq
- Death cults named after Egyptian Goddesses. Clever. Points for your marketing department.
- Please, do keep consolidating. It makes the targeting much easier.
- Thanks though Iraq, for Hammurabi and so much history. At least I think that's where the whole Babylonian thing was happening. If not, I blame the American educational system. Time to sue someone!
- You still have oil, right?

Africa
- Where has this come off the rails? Education is the only way out of the mess.
- Ebola is not a trick made up by the West. Stop hiding the sick and running away from people who are trying to help.
- Wash your hands after handling the bodies. That's how it spreads. Trust us, we invented the zombie genre.
- Thanks though Mama Africa. Like most mothers, you can be neurotic and cause us to shake our heads wondering "what the hell" but I guess we all come from you, and you have the best giraffes in town. Hmmmm. That seems a lot less effective as a compliment when I see it written down.

Russia
- Your president would be more endearing if he did not look like every movie villain ever. Also 2 words: Man boobs.
- This stuff with Ukraine is a bit like the relationship between the U.S. and Canada, except most of the citizens in the U.S. are trying to move to Canada for cheaper drugs and health insurance, and also we don't shoot down their planes.

- Thanks though Russia, for helping me revisit all of the Cold War memories. It's like living in an 80s movie all over again, and I cannot thank you enough. Seriously, am I the only one who remembers Ally Sheedy in War Games? Talk about a real WOPR! Ha! Okay I am the only one laughing right now, I can tell.

- But really though Russia, can't we work this all out with some Levis and Coke or maybe a joint project where we send a monkey into outer space where it can still smoke cigarettes in the privacy of its own capsule without fear of repercussion from PETA? Yes we can.

U.S.
- We could use a little less of this "Us vs. Them" mentality. Does everything (politics, world affairs) have to be dumbed* down into a sports metaphor for us to pay attention?
- Maybe use that $ to travel more instead of buying yet another stupid T.V.
- While we're at it, let's make an effort to learn the names of some of the leaders of other countries.
- At some point, we are going to run out of people who know how to fix our broken crap. Let's start learning how to fix it ourselves  instead of thinking we can "always just buy another one."
- Thanks though my dear mother country, for the peaceful sunsets, the full grocery stores and for the freedom to madly disagree with my crazy neighbors while still getting along with them well enough to consider them some of the nicest people I've ever met. And, thanks too for the surplus of T.V. shows showing blurred out naked people undertaking asinine adventures... ahhh, such a sweet balance of moral decay and Puritanical throw-backery.

Coffee
 I love you and I don't care who knows.
(P.S. To clarify, I am referring to the beverage, and not the transvestite stripper I met in New Orleans. P.P.S. I'm pretty sure I am joking. At least I don't remember being in New Orleans.)

* Irony alert, spell check is telling me I spelled "dumbed" incorrectly.