Greetings, Oh Makers of the wonderfulest hootch outside of Kentucky.
Look Scotland, I know you are probably hung over so I will keep this brief.
Soon, you will have a chance at independence. I won't claim to be an expert about all that stuff and as an American, I can *probably* find your country on a map eventually but that is not the reason I am writing to you. Here's the deal. We heard that some of you may have reservations and wonder what it is like to be "on your own".
Look, as a former satellite of the British Empire, let me tell you, even though I wasn't around for the first 200 years here, the rest has been awesome. You can stay up as late as you want, you can hang out with your friends doing whatever you want, eat whatever you want and - oh dude. While we are on the subject of food - seriously no offense but your mother country is probably one of the worst cooks around. She's a nice lady with good intentions so don't tell her but seriously, boiled meat? Damn. Everyone knows you have to go over to France's house if you want good cooking. But I digress.
So Scotland, I would strongly encourage you to make the move and vote for your independence. It might seem scary but dude, it will be cool - trust us. We've gone down this road, so consider us your older sibling who went off to college (or I guess you'd say "to university" - see that's the kind of weird English crap I am talking about. Get hip Scotland!). Of course, it's really more of a party school over here and we get through the tests mainly by looking over the shoulders of China and India cause honestly, we have more important things to do. Like deep fry everything with fur and invent the McRib. See? This is how much we dig you guys - we have millions of restaurants featuring your famous Scottish clown, Sir Ronald of McDonald! You are welcome bro.
Also, this reminds me, there is this cool Mel Gibson (He's Scottish too right?) movie called Braveheart you should totally check out . It's not the Disney one with the red-headed girl with the bow and arrow, but in this one everyone is blue and has swords and you see a bunch of people's butts. Two totally different movies. The point is, it totally relates to what you are going through now and you would dig it. I think if this voting thing doesn't work out, you could try it, but first check out the other idea we had where you can just dig a trench and fill it with water to officially make Scotland and island and them BAM. Independence. Keep that one in your back pocket.
Anyway, I can tell you are about to hurl, just give it some thought and know the rest of the U.S. is glad you have this chance and hope you are ready to move out of Mom's basement.